It's crazy how a single date, can hold so many memories. One single day of the year, one single day out of the 11,341 days I've lived, can hold an unspeakable amount of emotions. Of feelings. Of thoughts. Maybe it's just me, but isn't it just nuts how one single day can hold an obscene amount of power?! October 10, 2014 is THAT date for us.
When I realized this morning, that it was the eve of the 10th, I thought I'd go back and re-read some journal pieces I wrote for this blog, but it was too soon to post considering there was a great deal of court days still happening. Now that it's been a full year and we have completely embraced what has become our new "normal" life, I feel at peace with getting our story out there. So here it is...
It all began on September 5, 2014 in an email my husband received, with a simple paragraph stating that She was offered a job in Seattle and wanted to move with their 6 year old and her current family on September 19, in order to begin this new job on September 22. Now, for those of you who are not aware, my husband has been fighting to reach a 50/50 custody arrangement for his replica of a son, with an ex girlfriend, over the last few years. So, needless to say this was a gut wrenching, vomitus, shock, to receive such news.
Two emergency hearings (I'll spare you the legal mumble jumble) later, the judge was quite firm in that the little one was unable to leave California. That a "moving investigation" of sorts was to occur in November and a trial date was then set for January 6, 2015. Now, for those of you unfamiliar with the legal system, a moving 'investigation' is a bit like a He said, She said report. There is very minimal to no factual research done by the social worker who is "investigating" the issue. Not to mention, we were all curious to know how an investigation was supposed to be done correctly when She had already moved to Seattle. (Yes, you read that right.)
Fast forward to October 10, 2014. We felt obligated to call an emergency hearing due to the lack of communication and cooperation from Her, in order to best aid in the transition for the precious guy they share. The details you have not been told yet is that there is a He married to Her and together, they have a couple little ones. He had arranged with his job, a transfer to Seattle and this was the weekend he was to move. Until now, this sweet boy who has always known two homes, continued to live that way, except the stepdad was the adult who was with him during Her custodial time in California, while she worked approximately 1200 miles away. How anyone in their right mind is to just leave their child, does not help transition them and refuses to communicate with the other parent, just floors me. So, I hope you understand my husband's panic in our desperate attempts to get answers in: 'What happens to the child when one family is gone' and 'can you please help us to co parent affectively so that the child does not suffer greater than he already has.'
Well, here's how the problem was solved... We go in for emergency hearing number three with the same Judge as before and the Judge then asked a simple question, "Who is willing to pay for the other parent?" Well, considering we weren't the moving party, we didn't feel like we needed to pay for Her to come down here. However, unbeknownst to us, the question the Judge was actually asking was: "Who is wiling to pay for the other party's plane ticket, if the child was to remain with them temporarily, until January 6?" Needless to say, Her attorney was quick to respond.... Just like that, the gavel pounded down... My husband's little buddy was to be relocated 1200 miles away with very little specifics...
But don't worry, let me tell you about the logical and of course, feasible, "temporary" order that our Judge created. (I hope you heard every sarcastic thread in me, come out in that last sentence.)
-Every other weekend, Friday-Sunday (please, humor me, re-read that again), father is to visit child in Seattle.
-Mom is to pay for Father's travel and half of lodging.
Yup, bet you didn't even begin to think about the fact that my man had to find a hotel to call "home" now. Only to ensure he was able to provide a 'normal and comfortable' spot for their 'quality time' of every other weekend. He would have to rent a car too and food is a small daily necessity as well. And then there is the question of what to do when there. We have never been to Seattle and don't even know where to begin.
Besides the obvious hole in our hearts and nauseous stomachs we both had, money was now an issue. If you are too overwhelmed with emotion or still stuck with the thought of "you can remove a child, just like that AND allow a move to happen?!" I'll help you with think of the other details. So, there would be 12 weekends from the time the order was made to the trial date, 3 months of him 'temporarily' removed from his entire life in California, his dad, myself (the hubs and I have been together for almost 6 years, just in case you were curious how long I had been in the picture), all of my husband's family, my family, our little guy had friends too, and the kindergarten and indian guides he had just started. All of this, removed from him, like it was nothing.
This particular day of October 10, was the start of our weekend with the mini. Since the Judge was so vague in his order and ruling, no exact date was stated for when Mr. littles would be leaving and we were looking forward to making the most of our last weekend with him in CA. Well, we arrived at his school to pick him up and his stepdad was there as well. Next the cops were called on us, by him, because we were not there ONLY to say goodbye to this sweet boy... After talking with the cops, they concluded that since the order from our emergency hearing earlier that day was not even made up to verify a date or time, it legally was our weekend and the little man would come with us. Once an order was written up, we had to let him go. The next few hours were unimaginably horrific. Just knowing this amazing boy was going to be ripped from us and living 1200 miles away was disgusting. Then the call from our attorney came. The order was out. We had to "give him up." Just like that, the stepdad was at our door and carried the little one away. No opportunity for an extra hug, another goodbye or one last 'I love you.'
When I realized this morning, that it was the eve of the 10th, I thought I'd go back and re-read some journal pieces I wrote for this blog, but it was too soon to post considering there was a great deal of court days still happening. Now that it's been a full year and we have completely embraced what has become our new "normal" life, I feel at peace with getting our story out there. So here it is...
It all began on September 5, 2014 in an email my husband received, with a simple paragraph stating that She was offered a job in Seattle and wanted to move with their 6 year old and her current family on September 19, in order to begin this new job on September 22. Now, for those of you who are not aware, my husband has been fighting to reach a 50/50 custody arrangement for his replica of a son, with an ex girlfriend, over the last few years. So, needless to say this was a gut wrenching, vomitus, shock, to receive such news.
Two emergency hearings (I'll spare you the legal mumble jumble) later, the judge was quite firm in that the little one was unable to leave California. That a "moving investigation" of sorts was to occur in November and a trial date was then set for January 6, 2015. Now, for those of you unfamiliar with the legal system, a moving 'investigation' is a bit like a He said, She said report. There is very minimal to no factual research done by the social worker who is "investigating" the issue. Not to mention, we were all curious to know how an investigation was supposed to be done correctly when She had already moved to Seattle. (Yes, you read that right.)
Fast forward to October 10, 2014. We felt obligated to call an emergency hearing due to the lack of communication and cooperation from Her, in order to best aid in the transition for the precious guy they share. The details you have not been told yet is that there is a He married to Her and together, they have a couple little ones. He had arranged with his job, a transfer to Seattle and this was the weekend he was to move. Until now, this sweet boy who has always known two homes, continued to live that way, except the stepdad was the adult who was with him during Her custodial time in California, while she worked approximately 1200 miles away. How anyone in their right mind is to just leave their child, does not help transition them and refuses to communicate with the other parent, just floors me. So, I hope you understand my husband's panic in our desperate attempts to get answers in: 'What happens to the child when one family is gone' and 'can you please help us to co parent affectively so that the child does not suffer greater than he already has.'
Well, here's how the problem was solved... We go in for emergency hearing number three with the same Judge as before and the Judge then asked a simple question, "Who is willing to pay for the other parent?" Well, considering we weren't the moving party, we didn't feel like we needed to pay for Her to come down here. However, unbeknownst to us, the question the Judge was actually asking was: "Who is wiling to pay for the other party's plane ticket, if the child was to remain with them temporarily, until January 6?" Needless to say, Her attorney was quick to respond.... Just like that, the gavel pounded down... My husband's little buddy was to be relocated 1200 miles away with very little specifics...
But don't worry, let me tell you about the logical and of course, feasible, "temporary" order that our Judge created. (I hope you heard every sarcastic thread in me, come out in that last sentence.)
-Every other weekend, Friday-Sunday (please, humor me, re-read that again), father is to visit child in Seattle.
-Mom is to pay for Father's travel and half of lodging.
Yup, bet you didn't even begin to think about the fact that my man had to find a hotel to call "home" now. Only to ensure he was able to provide a 'normal and comfortable' spot for their 'quality time' of every other weekend. He would have to rent a car too and food is a small daily necessity as well. And then there is the question of what to do when there. We have never been to Seattle and don't even know where to begin.
Besides the obvious hole in our hearts and nauseous stomachs we both had, money was now an issue. If you are too overwhelmed with emotion or still stuck with the thought of "you can remove a child, just like that AND allow a move to happen?!" I'll help you with think of the other details. So, there would be 12 weekends from the time the order was made to the trial date, 3 months of him 'temporarily' removed from his entire life in California, his dad, myself (the hubs and I have been together for almost 6 years, just in case you were curious how long I had been in the picture), all of my husband's family, my family, our little guy had friends too, and the kindergarten and indian guides he had just started. All of this, removed from him, like it was nothing.
This particular day of October 10, was the start of our weekend with the mini. Since the Judge was so vague in his order and ruling, no exact date was stated for when Mr. littles would be leaving and we were looking forward to making the most of our last weekend with him in CA. Well, we arrived at his school to pick him up and his stepdad was there as well. Next the cops were called on us, by him, because we were not there ONLY to say goodbye to this sweet boy... After talking with the cops, they concluded that since the order from our emergency hearing earlier that day was not even made up to verify a date or time, it legally was our weekend and the little man would come with us. Once an order was written up, we had to let him go. The next few hours were unimaginably horrific. Just knowing this amazing boy was going to be ripped from us and living 1200 miles away was disgusting. Then the call from our attorney came. The order was out. We had to "give him up." Just like that, the stepdad was at our door and carried the little one away. No opportunity for an extra hug, another goodbye or one last 'I love you.'
Once we were able to think straight (it took all weekend because we were so numb and tore up from Friday's happenings), my husband took the hand he was dealt and hit the ground running, well crawling actually. We quickly came to the realization that in order to make the absolute most of his Friday- Sunday with his buddy and have a 'home' to hangout in, it wasn't going to be as "easy" as the temporary order read on paper. Also, it was only the dad who was supposed to paid for by Her. Wife/Stepmom was to join on her own dime, if she chose to go. Really? What man wants to live a jet setting lifestyle that deals with unthinkable emotions, have his little family be so divided, and try to make his only child feel comfortable, safe, and as though this new conventional custody arrangement is "normal," all by himself?
So, with a click of the button, 2 plane tickets, a hotel room and a car, were booked for trip number one.